The Sun report that Chelsea have rejected a £30m bid from Manchester City for defender David Luiz, played by Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons. City are in the hunt for defensive cover with Micah Richards out of action through injury, but the idea that Luiz has increased in value since arriving in England seems fanciful at best.

Much to the consternation of Serie A midfielders everywhere, AC and Inter Milan are competing to sign Dutch pitbull Nigel de Jong, 27, from City. De Jong, who arrived at Eastlands from Hamburg in January 2009, has only one year remaining on his contract in Manchester and is thought to be surplus to Roberto Mancini’s requirements.

Manchester City and Manchester United are in dispute over proposals to introduce Uefa-style financial fair play regulations in the Premier League. United wish to protect the tedious hegemony of the established order, whilst City would not endorse a system that “kills the dreams” of others.

Finally, the Manchester Evening News report that City are “still holding Javi Martinez hope”. There doesn’t appear to be anything to substantiate this story, other than the MEN’s desire to boost site traffic (and thus flagging advertising revenues) by feeding people the stories they want to see. Expect a “Messi to City” headline in the coming days.

In the least suprising story of the transfer window so far, Italian midfielder Daniele de Rossi has announced that he will be staying with A.S. Roma. “I haven’t asked anyone to leave. What I promise is that the day I want to leave Roma to win the Champions League or to earn more money, I’ll say so publicly”, de Rossi declared, with the British press gleefully reporting that City had been “snubbed”.

Elsewhere, Emmanuel Adebayor has finally completed his move to Spurs. Expect the “Ade: My City Hell” headlines any day soon, at a red top near you.

Scott Sinclair is close to finalising a £5m move from Swansea’s first team to City’s bench, acccording to Swansea’s first-team coach Alan Curtis. Curtis told BBC Sport: “He’s not really interested in signing a new contract and I think Man City have made a bid. So it’s just a matter of time now before it happens and it’s good for both parties.”

Sinclair’s arrival could see Adam Johnson leave Eastlands, with Sunderland, Liverpool and Tottenham all rumoured to be sniffing around the lackadaisical winger. It’s thought Johnson would command a fee of £10m.

Feyenoord technical director Martin van Geel has conceded that it is unlikely that John Guidetti will return to the club following his successful loan spell last season. “At the lasht moment anything can happen, but we are not ashuming that the return of John is realishtic”, said van Geel in a passable impression of Steve McLaren.

Today’s super soaraway Sun claims that Roberto Mancini is ready to follow up the signing of Jack Rodwell with moves for Daniel Agger and Scott Sinclair, to the underwhelment of City fans everywhere. Robin van Persie, Edison Cavani and Javi Martinez are also mentioned, which suggests the paper is hedging its bets somewhat.

The fact that no news outlet in the country picked up on the Rodwell deal, despite City and Everton negotiating for a fortnight ahead of the announcement, is a sign that City are finally going about their business in a discreet, professional manner. In contrast to the days of yore when even the tealady would know the manager’s plans.

The Mirror report that Kolo Toure has thrown the 23rd strop of his City career, after being involved in an “angry bust-up” with Roberto Mancini over being snubbed in City’s Community Shield win. Apparently words were exchanged with the manager, before Toure threw his medal to the fans in frustration. Give it 24 hours before said medal appears on eBay. In Toure’s defence, there can be no bigger humiliation than being snubbed in favour of Stefan Savic.

In other news, Micah Richards is facing a month out whilst Joe Hart should be fit to return for the opening game of the season, after conveniently missing England’s meaningless midweek friendly.

Inter Milan are sniffing around Nigel de Jong, who only has a year left to run on his contract, and Mario Balotelli has conjunctivitis, which no doubt one of the tabloids will report was contracted in a particularly sordid manner.

And that’s yer lot.

A particularly quiet day today with few headlines about City. Let’s hope it’s the calm before the storm, in what has been the most mundane transfer window since the double signing of Danny Mills and Ben Thatcher in 2004.

Thank God, therefore, for Mario Balotelli.

Today’s Balotelli watch sees a 19 year old waitress reveal the details of an alleged 18-month long affair with the Italian, according to the Daily Star. Shy, retiring Dahiana Rojas claimed that he “is not the bad boy he is described as, he is gentle, humble, attentive, he is an ideal boyfriend”, before going on to reveal that he failed to inform her that he had a pregnant girlfriend. In a display of staggering naivety Dahiana tells us that she is “ready to get back with him – my suitcases are packed but he has to prove to me that he is not taking me for a ride.”

Elsewhere, the Evening News report that City winger Vladimir Weiss is set to go on loan to Italian Serie A side Pescara for the final year of his contract.

City target Robin van Persie has already signed a contract with Juventus, according to Fifa agent Fabio Parisi, who then goes on to temper this bold statement by adding the caveat “it is just my opinion”. Nothing to see here, then.

According to insidefutbol.com (showing just how much we’re scraping th barrel here) Feyenoord technical director Martin van Geel has reiterated the Dutch club’s desire to take striker John Guidetti on loan again next season, but admits that he is waiting for City to decide on the Swede’s future.

Please God let City make a signing soon, to end this tedium.

The Daily Mail report that Emmanuel Adebayor has been told he won’t get a pay off by City to leave the club and finally join Spurs, in what is fast becoming the most tedious transfer saga of the summer. Adebayor, understandably, has concerns about making ends meet if he accepts Tottenham’s paltry salary offer of £6m a year.

City coach Attilio Lombardo believes Edin Dzeko could have a future at the club despite speculation linking the striker with a move elsewhere. “Dzeko is a big player, and I think Manchester City want big players,” Lombardo told Sky Sports News, although it is unclear whether he was talking literally or metaphorically.

Lombardo, meanwhile, announced that he was content with City’s 2-1 friendly defeat at Boundary Park last night. “Under Andy Welsh, the margin would’ve been much greater”, he didn’t say.

“Kolo Toure ready to stay at City”, screams the headline in today’s Daily Telegraph, whilst ESPN interpret the same interview as “Toure admits City future doubts” in an article that appeared on their website at 7.30am. Less than two hours later the same website ran a story under the headline “Toure: I love playing for City”, so who knows what to believe.

Today’s Mario Balotelli watch has the Belfast Telegraph reporting that the Italian locked himself in an airport toilet to hide from a “mob” of fans. One onlooker said: “All of a sudden Mario was surrounded but he gave everyone the slip by escaping to the bathroom. No wonder Premier League defenders have such a hard time keeping tabs on him”, he chortled.